Most discussions with other parents, articles in newspapers and many books would have any new parent believe that to get your baby to sleep through the night is the number 1 priority.

Let me assure you that this does not have to be a priority at all! We desperately need to change our attitudes towards babies and their sleeping habits in order to allow us to sleep at the same time as letting the baby thrive. Babies should not be seen as something that can be turned off at 7pm. Babies are not easy and your life will NEVER be as it was before. Once you can accept this hard fact you need to start thinking how you can make your life with a small baby comfortable to serve both your needs and those of the developing infant.

Tips for a good night sleep

1. Small babies wake frequently to ensure their survival, this way they can communicate their needs and the mother checks on their temperature, hunger, breathing and general wellbeing several times a night.

2. Keeping your baby close by, preferably in your own bed or right next to it, allows you to stay in bed when the baby wakes up. A baby which is further away needs to scream at full volume for you to wake up at which point you and the baby are properly awake. A baby next to you only needs to fidget for you to attend to it, neither you nor the baby will be properly awake. As a result both of you are more likely to go off to sleep again quickly.

3. Night feeding is much easier when the baby is next to you, no need to get up. Again neither you nor the baby needs to be properly awake for this.

4. As you are sleeping next to your baby, the baby is learning from you that night time is for sleeping. Seeing you enjoy your sleep will also teach the baby that sleeping is something nice!

5. Remember that SIDS - or sudden infant death syndrome, is much lower in co-sleeping cultures than it is in the westernised world (Granju p. 195), having your baby in your bed will make you much calmer and less worried. Recent media coverage claiming the opposite was based on parents and babies co-sleeping on a sofa or co-sleeping when alcohol and drugs were involved. We do not recommend co-sleeping when you have had more than a glass of wine or any drugs. When you are sober and sleeping in your bed, co-sleeping is a perfectly safe thing to do.

6. You have to respect your babies sleeping patterns not vice versa. Sleep when your baby wants to sleep, have naps during the day, go to bed early with baby. Remember, this is not forever!

7. Avoid crying methods at all cost! Firstly, letting your baby cry will dull your instincts. Secondly, we all know what it feels like to cry for a long time - miserable - why would you let your baby do that. Letting a baby cry for a long time will increase it's blood pressure, decrease the oxygenation of the blood stream and uses lots of calories (Granju). And the deep sleep after long crying is not proof that it worked, rather, it is proof of a trauma!

8. Object permanence, or the realisation that an object is still there when it cannot be seen, is only developed around a child's first birthday. Therefore when Mum is not within sight she no longer exists. This is why your child is upset when you leave the room.

9. Will they ever sleep on their own? He/she will never leave your bed! These are simply ridiculous questions and statements. I have yet to meet a teenager who still willingly sleeps in his parents' bed. Both our children are still in our bed and we don't want them to leave. It is the best feeling to have them there and snuggle all night, and I will treasure those few short years to the best of my ability.

10. Sleeping in a family bed is a wonderful experience. It is natural and co-sleeping is normal practice in most cultures. It used to be normal practice here too. It makes children more secure, more independent, more confident and more caring because they are cared for and watched over all night.

These are our favourite books on co-sleeping, particularly the Baby Sleep Book by Sears.